I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
