Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
