I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
