How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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