You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
