You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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