there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize