Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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