its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
