I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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