wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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