I hate your face
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize