I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize