If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
