Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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