I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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