I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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