In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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