Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
