For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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