Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
