I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
