So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
