he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
