There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
