so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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