i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
