I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
