Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
