he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
