my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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