Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
