So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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