Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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