I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
