and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
