I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
