i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
