Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
