I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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