I faked an abortion last night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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