I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
