I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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