escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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