I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize