No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
