we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
