I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
