Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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