I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
