I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
