Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
