its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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