On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
