I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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