he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
