I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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