Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
