he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
