If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are the jesus of drinking
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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