im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
