you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
