Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
