did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
