I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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