His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
