His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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