A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
