HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Randomize
