Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
there is glitter all over my balls
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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