Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
