he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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