she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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