I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
