Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
