mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
where are you?
Hypothermia
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
