I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
