It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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